Top Of My Head

Thoughts on everything from Politics to Video Games

Tag: Christmas

A Woman’s Version of the Night Before Christmas

A good friend of mine sent this to me in an email.  I thought it was not only funny, but pretty much true.  Merry Christmas to all the overworked, under appreciated women who make the Christmas Cheer for their families!

T’was the night before Christmas

and all through the kitchen;

I was cooking and baking and

moanin and bitchin.

I’ve been here for hours,

I can’t stop to rest.

This room’s a disaster,

just look at this mess!

Tomorrow I’ve got

thirty people to feed.

They expect all the trimmings.

Who cares what I need!

My feet are both blistered,

I’ve got cramps in my legs.

The cat just knocked over

a bowl full of eggs.

There’s a knock at the door

and the telephone’s ringing;

frosting drips on the counter

as the microwave’s dinging.

Two pies in the oven,

dessert’s almost done;

my cookbook is soiled

with butter and crumbs.

I’ve had all I can stand,

I can’t take anymore;

Then in walks my husband,

spilling rum on the floor.

He weaves and he wobbles,

his balance unsteady;

then grins as he chuckles

“The eggnog is ready!”

He looks all around and

with total regret, says,

“What’s taking so long….

aren’t you through in here yet?”

As quick as a flash

I reach for a knife;

He loses an earlobe;

I wanted his life!

He flees from the room

in terror and pain and

screams, “MY GOD WOMAN,


Now what was I doing,

and what is that smell?

Oh darn, it’s the pies!

They’re burned all to hell!

I hate to admit

when I make a mistake,

but I put them on BROIL

instead of on BAKE.

What else can go wrong?

Is there still more ahead?

If this is good living,

I’d rather be dead.

Lord, don’t get me wrong,

I love holidays;

It just leaves me exhausted,

all shaky and dazed.

But I promise you one thing,

If I live ’til next year,

You won’t find me pulling

my hair out in here.

I’ll hire a maid, a cook,

and a waiter; and if

that doesn’t work,





Stimulus Package

Economists are calling on Washington to create yet another stimulus package. Bush previously said, “No” to the idea, but something has changed his mind and now he wants one.

Well, I can’t imagine this being a good idea. Let’s just put our deficit even higher. Our government all ready owes everyone and their brother money. The bailout has cost every American citizen $3,100 and now, they want to pass a $150 billion bill. How is this going to help? Maybe, we just need the economy to suck for a while. It’ll come back, let’s just sit, wait and see what happens.

If anything should pass, it should be to give states enough money to cover unemployment. I heard that Wisconsin is running out of money. Also, it should be to help the 7.5% of Americans who are or will be unemployed find training in other fields.

Side note: My mother keeps insisting the economy is chugging along and everything is fine. One of the things she says proves this is our unemployment rate. Right now, it’s lower than 7.5% and it is lower than it was in the seventies, so things are okay. Well, I don’t know a lot about the seventies, but I know now if you’re unemployed and not on the unemployment roll, you’re not being counted. If you are still employed, but looking for a full time job, you’re counted as unemployed. If you took a job way below where you were before, you’re not being counted, but you’re not making your full pre-firing, pre-laid off wage. None of these are good for the economy. Another thing that isn’t good was the high gas prices.

Now, if they are going to send sums home to people, let’s send more than a lousy $600.00 per individual. Cheryl and I normally spend more than $1800 on Christmas between gifts, wrapping paper, Christmas Eve dinner and charitable donations, but not this year. We’re cutting way back this year. We haven’t been able to put money into our savings accounts like previous years due to various reasons — the least of which included the high gas prices — and we’re going to need to use the Christmas fund to pay our home taxes. Now, I’m not complaining, we both have jobs, things are just tighter than normal. We’ll get through it, just as many of Americans will.

But, the only way for the economy to bounce back is we need to put money into it. So, here’s my suggestion — partially stolen from Lewis Black — let’s build something, anything. Let’s put money into our intrastucture. Let’s improve our roads, let’s update our railroads. If we’re going to spend $150 billion dollars, let’s use it to create jobs. How about create an energy company, solely owned by the government, that will research fossil fuel alternatives? What about a company that will invent a better running car? Something, anything that will create jobs. And, let’s take a look at the hardest hit areas of the nations and put in training centers. Let’s train our unemployed and underemployed for different jobs. Not only would we employ people as trainers, but we’ll make our un and under employed citizens ready for the next jobs in their lives.

How can we pay for this?

Well, let’s stop substizing oil companies and large farms (not family farms, the big guys) and I’m sure there’s other things as well. Let’s rollback the tax breaks on the upper 1%. We all know taxes have to be raised, so let’s just get it over with. Hell, I’d chip in a little more in taxes to pay for something that benefits all.

But, it’ll never happen.

So, if they do pass the stimulus, I hope it’s enough money so we can buy some really nice Christmas presents.

God Bless

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